A Way to Grieve
adapted for general audiences by Rondi Lightmark
from The Tibetan Book of Living and Dying by Sogyal Rinpoche
". . .whenever you are desperate, anguished or depressed, whenever you feel you cannot go on, or you feel your heart is breaking, I [Sogyal Rinpoche] advise you to do this practice. The only conditions to the effectiveness of this practice are that you need to do it with all your might, and that you need to ask, really ask, for help.
Even if you practice meditation, you will have emotional pain and suffering, and a lot of things from your past lives or this one may emerge that will be difficult to face. You may find you do not have the wisdom or the stability in your meditation to deal with them, and that your meditation on its own is not enough. What you need then is what I call "a heart practice." I always feel sad that people don't have a practice like this to help them in times of desperation, because if you do, you will find you have something immeasurably precious, which will also become a source of transformation and continuing strength.
1. Invocation: Invoke in the sky in front of you the presence of whichever Enlightened Being inspires you the most. . .[whether Buddha, Jesus, Mary, Allah, Gaia, your God]. Even if you cannot imagine in your mind's eye any one form, just feel the presence strongly and invoke his or her infinite power, compassion and blessing.
2. Calling out: Open your heart and invoke him or her with all the pain and suffering you feel. If you feel like crying, don't hold back; let your tears flow, and really ask for help. Know that there is someone who is absolutely there for you, someone who listens to you, who understands you with love and compassion, without ever judging you: an ultimate friend. Call to him or her from the depths of your pain. . .
3. Filling the Heart with Bliss: Imagine and know now that the [Enlightened Being] you are crying out to responds, with all his or her love, compassion, wisdom, and power. Tremendous rays of light stream out toward you from him or her. Imagine that light as nectar, filling your heart up completely, and transforming all of your suffering into bliss. . . Think of [him or her] as infinitely warm and loving, a sun of bliss, comfort, peace, and healing. Open your heart, let out all your suffering, cry out for help. [You can use your own prayer or the mantra of the buddha Padmasambhava, OM AH HUM VAJRA GURU PADMA SIDDHI HUM]
Imagine now thousands of rays of light streaming out of [the body and heart of the Enlightened Being, pouring down over you in a continuous stream of soothing, golden liquid light.] It flows into your heart, filling it and transforming your suffering into bliss.
4. Helping the Dead: As you do this practice again and again, saying the mantra [or prayer] and filling your heart with bliss, slowly your suffering will dissolve in the confident peace of the nature of your mind. You will realize, with joy and delight, that the [Enlightened Beings] are not outside of you but always with you, inseparable from the nature of your mind. And what they have done through their blessing is to empower and nourish you with the confidence of the [Enlightened Being] within you.
Now, with all the power and confidence this practice has given you, imagine you are sending this blessing, the light of healing compassion of the enlightened beings, to your loved one who has died. This is especially vital in the case of someone who has suffered a traumatic death, as it transforms their suffering and brings them peace and bliss. In the past, you may have felt helpless in your grief and impotent to help your dear friend, but now through this practice you can feel consoled, encouraged, and empowered to help the dead person.
Don't expect immediate results, or a miracle. It may only be after a while, or even much later, when you least expect it, that your suffering will shift. . ."
